


who could ever leave me darling (who could stay)

by jbhmalum



Series: angsty love triangle 'verse [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25882315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jbhmalum/pseuds/jbhmalum
Summary: "Ashton wants to go kiss Calum's cheek, hear the little contented sigh he'd let out at the familiar gesture, but Luke won't stop calling his name, so he leaves the room without a kiss or even a stroke on a shoulder for his boyfriend, closing the door tightly behind him."OR: Ashton's ex drunk dials him in the middle of the night
Relationships: Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin, Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin
Series: angsty love triangle 'verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967101
Comments: 15
Kudos: 65





	who could ever leave me darling (who could stay)

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo! I wrote this emo mix of lashton and cashton at 5am yesterday, I hope you enjoy it!

"h'llo?"

"Ash?"

"... Luke?"

It takes a second for him to place the voice, but when he does Ashton sits up so fast he gets a bit dizzy with it. His half awake brain barely registers the 3:00 a.m. displayed on the clock by the bed, heart pounding in his chest at the voice.

It can't be. Not now, of all time.

He slowly moves the phone in front of him, looking at the caller ID, but of course it's an unknown number. He hasn't seen or heard of Luke in years, and Luke is such a klutz he probably lost or broke his phone once or twice, thus the new, foreign, ugly number.

Ashton's stomach twists a bit at the thought. He used to know Luke's number by heart, once upon a time. He isn't that good with that usually, numbers and memory, but he still knew it, because it was Luke's. It was important, because it was Luke's. He thinks that if he thinks hard enough he could easily remember it.

But it _is_ 3 a.m., and his brain is a little fuzzy and confused as it is. After three years, why is Luke calling him?

"Ash? You still there?"

Luke's voice startles him, loud in the silent night, and he winces, then freezes, before looking over to the left side of the bed.

"Ash?"

"Just a sec," he replies, keeping his voice as low as possible, hoping it will prompt the boy on the other side of the line to do the same.

Slowly, as silently as he can, he removes the sheet, the hairs on his body rising at the cool air of the room, lets his feet hit the carpeting. He has to shush Luke again as he looks for a shirt to put on, and only realizes he’s picked one of Calum's once it's already on him. He feels a ping of guilt as he looks at him, laid on his stomach the way he always does, sleeping peacefully.

He wants to go kiss his cheek, hear the little contented sigh he'd let out at the familiar gesture, but Luke won't stop calling his name, so he leaves the room without a kiss or even a stroke on a shoulder for his boyfriend, closing the door tightly behind him.

He's just made it to the couch in the living room when Luke speaks up again.

"D’you not wanna to talk to me?" his words are slurred, not fluid, and Ashton realizes he's drunk.

He sighs.

"I had to go to another room, I'm not alone and it's 3 a.m., Luke."

He regrets saying it as soon as it's out of his mouth, and feels guilty for that, as well. It's true, he can say it. Should say it. He's not alone anymore. He was, for more than two years, too hung up on Luke, on his pretty face and pretty eyes and pretty everything to find someone new. Too hung up on his sense of humor that not everybody got, on his playing guitar in the middle of the night in the summer when he couldn't sleep because of the heat. Too hung up on the feeling of betrayal and hurt as Luke left him one day without any preamble.

But he's not alone anymore. Now Calum, sweet Calum is sleeping in their shared bed like he has for months. Calum who is kind and thoughtful and sassy enough to rival even him, who made Ashton feel whole, feel loved again.

“Not alone? What's that mean?”

Luke sounds really drunk, and Ashton notices for the first time the background noise coming from the other side of the line. He's at a party, then. House party, has to be. Not a club, Luke never liked the atmosphere in them, it didn't make him feel safe.

Ashton shakes his head, runs a hand through his hair.

"It means my boyfriend is asleep in our bed, Luke."

"Oh."

He almost sounds disappointed, but Ashton won't buy it. He's the one who left. He can't be mad that Ashton is happy with someone else now.

(Even if until recently he’d wonder what Luke was doing as Calum was making breakfast, wonder if Luke was happy as Calum was running him a bath. Would wonder about the color of Luke's nails as Calum painted his black.)

Neither of them says anything for a while, the only sound the music and general hubbub from the party. It's not uncomfortable, but still tense. Ashton has no idea why Luke called him, and he doesn't know if he wants to find out.

“Why did you call, Luke? Are you okay?”

It used to be second nature, asking if Luke was okay. He rarely was. Luke didn't know how to take care of himself. He hopes it's not the case anymore.

“Dunno,” Luke starts, “was lonely. Missed you.”

“Do you not have friends at the party?” Ashton chooses to ignore the second part. It’s not relevant.

“Not really.” There's a pause. “I guess there's Michael.”

“You guess? Is he your friend or not?”

Luke makes a small sound in the back of his throat, and Ashton knows he's shrugging.

“Kinda. He sleeps with me sometimes. He's nice. A bit annoying but nice. But you were wayyyy better in bed.”

He lets out a giggle, like he just told Ashton some silly secret but Ashton doesn't laugh along with him.

It's not fair. Luke can't call him after three years of radio silence, after he's finally moved on, and tell him he misses him and that he basically wishes Ashton would fuck him instead of this Michael guy.

He grits his teeth as Luke continues.

“Maybe it's cause, like. He doesn't really care. I mean he does, but he's not my boyfriend or anything. He doesn't love me. He's not in love with me like you are-”

“Was. Like I _was_ in love with you, Luke.”

“Oh,” Luke says again and this time he sounds sad. Ashton fumes.

“What the hell, Luke?" he hisses, "how full of yourself are you? What, do you get off on thinking I'm heartbroken and pining after you for years after you leave me with no explanation? Well that's too bad. I've been over you for a long time.”

It's harsh and it’s mean and it's a lie, but Luke doesn't know that. Ashton doesn't owe him anything.

He hears a sniff on the other side, but before he can decide what to make of it, he hears another voice, this one not from the phone.

“Who are you talking to?” Calum asks sleepily, curls a mess and eyes tired. Luke speaks before he can answer, but he doesn't look away from where Calum's standing in the doorway in boxer shorts and Ashton's ugliest green sweater. Ashton likes how it looks on him.

“I just- I thought-” Luke isn't crying, but Ashton can tell he's close t. “I'm still in love with you.”

He whispers that last part in a small, broken voice and Ashton feels for him. He'd love to tell him that he lied, that he still loves him, too and maybe a few months or even a few weeks ago he might have caved, feelings resurfacing. But today. Today he's looking at Calum who's sitting down next to him looking worried and tired and gorgeous, and Ashton is hit by the realization that he's in love with _him_. Ashton can't even be mad at Luke anymore for saying that even if he was the one to leave.

"I'm sorry, Luke," Calum frowns at the name, more out of concern than jealousy, he knows. He's heard of Luke many times over the year they've known each other, and he's never shown any sign of jealousy for the love Ashton clearly held for Luke, not even after they started dating. Ashton looks him in the eye as he says the next part. "I wish I could tell you something different. But I don't love you like that anymore. I'm in love with Calum."

Ashton watches as Calum's eyes widen before a huge smile breaks on his face. It almost drowns the sounds of Luke's sobs. Almost.

“It's okay, Luke,” he says, because he's not a monster and it used to be second nature to take care of Luke. “You're gonna be okay. But you're drunk. I need you to go find Michael, alright?” he refrains from calling him “ _love_ ” at the last second. It wouldn't be fair to Calum and Luke.

“But I wanted-”

“I can't give you what you want, Luke.”

The boy – man, now, Ashton thinks – lets out a desperate sob, and Calum must have heard it or maybe Ashton makes some kind of grimace, because Calum shifts closer to him and holds his free hand. Ashton hadn't even realized he was fiddling with the hem of his shirt, but now it's all crumpled.

“But I don't hate you,” _not anymore_ , he doesn't say, “and I want you to be okay. Please go get Michael. Tell him to get you home.”

There's silence again, this time the background music accompanied by the occasional sniff or hiccup.

“Will you go and get Michael, Luke?”

“Okay. Yeah. Okay. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Ashton says, because in the end, it is. “You get home and sleep it off, and maybe soon when you're not hangover anymore, you can ask Michael out on a date, yeah?"

Luke sniffs again, seems to think about it for a second.

“Yeah okay. I'll think about it. But I still-”

“I know, Luke,” he cuts off because he knows and he still doesn't want to hear it, “I know. But you'll be okay.”

Luke whines, sniffs again.

“Okay,” he goes on when it's clear Luke isn't going to say anything else. “You get home safe, alright?”

Luke hums, then hangs up without a goodbye. Ashton eyes the phone again, looking for some explanation as to what just happened, but it's back on his homescreen now, him and Calum at dinner for Calum's birthday. They’d asked the waitress to take a picture of them, and she prompted him to kiss Calum’s cheek, which made them both blush and Calum laugh, and now they have the most cheesy couple picture ever. Ashton loves it.

He smiles, looks back up at real Calum, who's face is mirroring his own. Calum squeezes his hand once, then shifts even closer, his arm snaking around Ashton's shoulders.

“So,” Calum says against Ashton's forehead, leaving a quick kiss there. "You're in love with me?"

“I am,” he says, confident. “I love you, I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it but I just- it made me realize that I don't love him like that anymore. When he called I-"

He stops and looks at his boyfriend, who's looking at him fondly, patiently, face glowing from the moonlight coming through the window. They never close the blinds in the living room for some reason, but he's glad for it right now. Calum's arm squeezes his shoulder, silently prompting him to go on.

“When he called at first I was thinking about how much it hurt to be away from him, it was like everything resurfaced. But I think it was just a ghost feeling, you know? Like, I'd gotten used to feeling that way for so long that I didn't realize I didn't anymore. It's like. He told me he loved me and I just. I realized I don’t. And that I love _you_. So much.”

His hand caresses Calum’s face slowly, and he takes the time to really look at him. He’s so different from Luke. His hair is raven black where Luke’s is blond, his brown eyes against Luke’s baby blues, his golden skin a contrast with Luke’s pale white complexion. And this is just the physical. Calum is a much more happy soul, more put together. Luke was funny but Calum is actually fun to be around.

And more importantly, Calum doesn’t _need_ Ashton. It’s awful to say, but Luke and Ashton’s relationship was based around Luke being a mess and leaning on Ashton for every little thing, the codependency the thing driving them forward. Even now, just with a phone call, he had to make sure Luke was going to be okay for him. And he liked to do it, is the thing. He used to thrive on it, he liked feeling needed, but in the end it wasn’t healthy for either of them. It wouldn’t be now either.

He still doesn’t know why Luke left, never bothered to ask, too afraid of the answer, and now he doesn’t really care for it. He just knows that after this, whatever this was, Luke isn’t it for him. The beautiful man in front of him might just be, though.

“I love you,” he repeats, pecking Calum on the lips once. His lips are soft, more plump than he remembers Luke’s being.

“I love you, too,” Calum replies, smiling so big Ashton can see the beginning of a dimple. Luke had dimples as well, more prominent than Calum’s. They made him look adorable, but the memory of it has nothing on the sheer happiness radiating from Calum’s face right now.

Calum’s hands frame Ashton’s face, then brings their lips together again in a kiss that causes butterflies in his stomach and his heart to flutter. He’s right where he needs to be.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, feedback is much appreciated!
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr [@jbhmalum](https://jbhmalum.tumblr.com/) we have fun over here!


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